Swine Flu

Yes, the correct term is H1N1 but swine flu sounds mysterious. I went to the doctor (yes, again!) for continued asthma related nonsense and the doctor checked me for the swine flu.

I was sort of hoping he would offer me a toasted BLT sandwich, some bacon and eggs or serve me a toasted grilled ham and cheese sandwich then watch for my reaction to pork products but alas,no such luck.

Instead while I was in the office wheezing, hacking and gasping for breath Doctor Smiley took a 7 inch Q-tip and shoved it up one of my nostrils to check for the flu.

Right now I am not currently infected with swine flu however I am at "high risk" and should avoid large groups of people and little germy rugrats. Okay, I added the rugrat part. Since it is next to impossible for me to avoid crowds with my job, Doc suggested I wear those oh-so-attractive protective masks.

That's all this chubby chick needs to complete her fashion ensemble, eh? The masks only come in pale blue. Maybe that's so when you see a groggy, sleep-deprived, wheezing woman lumbering in your direction you can feel calm and peaceful looking at a pale blue mask. What you really want to do is try desperately not to make eye contact and move away as quickly as possible. Hey, I bet I could get to the front of the coffee line a lot faster though!

My plan is to paint a smiley face on the masks. Perhaps one wearing braces. Maybe one looking grouchy. Maybe one that says "what are you looking at?" ha ha ha.


I also decided awhile ago not to shake hands for the next few months. Instead I am going to just salute people instead.

Sadly, I have also decided skip appearing as Mrs.Claus this season and focus on my health instead.

So, blog readers - tell your friends, warn your colleagues, alert the troops and try not to stare when Guppy Girl Snyder and her colorful masks make their debut in public the next few weeks.