School Lunches

Kid's Taste Buds

Here's a thought~ Instead of PB&J or Lunchable's let's pack a broccoli slaw wrap in a whole wheat tortilla, a jicama salad or a curry egg salad sandwich with sprouts.

I agree, it's crazy to think most kids would eat anything remotely healthy.

NO Hot Lunch at Holy Family School

When I attended grade school we had hot lunch ONE day a year. After the annual fall bazaar we were treated to the leftover hot dogs and we loved them. Or else. Wasting food is a sin. The rest of the time we brought our lunch to school.

The nuns took turns doing at lunch doing the garbage-can-stare-down. I think they secretly flipped a coin for that job back at the convent...One of the seasoned sisters would glare and grimace at you as you tossed out your empty lunch bag. If it wasn't empty and you threw away food? My oh My. You dug in the garbage and dadgumit, you finished your lunch.

Elmer's Glue on Bologna and Wonder Bread

There is nothing like a fresh bologna sandwich with Miracle Whip on Wonder Bread. MMmmmm. Unless it is covered in glue. One time in 2nd grade we worked on an art project right before lunch. I had glue on my hands and wasn't allowed to use the ladies room until after lunch. Being a messy 2nd grader I had some glue on my hands.

HORRORS! Some of the glue got on my sandwich. I might have been an obedient child but there was no way I was going to eat an Elmer's entree.

Committing a Sin

I knew what I had to do. I crushed, smashed and pounded the bread until it was a tiny ball. I wrapped it in the wax paper and hid it under the napkin then hid it in the bottom of the brown paper bag.

As I approached the garbage can and glaring nun I started to panic. I quickly tossed the bag in the can and started to run up the steps. Oops. Never graceful, I tripped on the steps and started to cry. Sister Mary Sympathy was distracted and instead of making me dig my lunch out and eat it she yelled at me for crying. I think she told me to "suck it up" and "quite being a baby" but that could be my imagination.

Sammies and Glue?

Here's hoping whatever you eat today for lunch is tasty and not accented with Elmer's Glue and Catholic guilt.

Nation Sauntering Day

Today is National Sauntering Day!




Saunter, Stroll, Stretch and enjoy your Friday!

Yes, a short post like this means I am either really busy working
or couldn't think of anything interesting to say. You decide.

Check back this weekend for a longer post.

Crazy Government

Government sent 3,900 economic stimulus checks to prison inmates -- 2,200 got to keep them

WASHINGTON (AP) -- The federal government sent about 3,900 economic stimulus payments of $250 each this spring to people who were in no position to use the money to help stimulate the economy: prison inmates.

Prison inmates are generally ineligible for federal benefits. However, 2,200 of the inmates who received checks got to keep them because, under the law, they were eligible, said Mark Lassiter, a spokesman for the Social Security Administration.

Checks were sent to those inmates because they government records didn't accurately showwere in prison, Lassiter said. He said most of those checks were returned by the prisons.

"We are currently reviewing each of those cases to determine whether or not the recovery payment was due," Social Security Commissioner Michael J. Astrue said in a statement issued Wednesday evening. "Where we determine payment was not due, we will take aggressive action to recover each of these erroneous payments."

What?

Awhile back I posted about Free Money. Wasted Money is another matter. Didn't anybody pay attention when the sent out checks? Can they blame "the computer" Sweet Gertrude! What were they thinking?

$250 to fritter away

If I had $250 that didn't go to charity, bills, friends in need or any other noble what I do?

I'd buy flowers and give them to people who looked grouchy.

Then, if they were still mean I would take the flowers and smack them over the head with them.

Blog reader(s) if you had $250 to waste what would you do?

Life without Chinese Food

No Chinese Food???

Kick my Keister Kirk (the trainer from the Y) said: NO Chinese food. What? Kirk said it is high in sodium, fat, salt etc. which must be why it is so delicious.

Crab Rangoons a distant memory?

How will Kirk know if I sneak in a small serving of hot and spicy soup?

Delicious crab rangoons? Will he smell my breath?

Weights

The past two sessions Kirk has had me using instruments of torture. Oops, I mean machines designed to make people healthy. I have no clue what they are called. I know you sit or stand on them and push, pull, stretch, snarel and sweat. Oops, maybe I am the only person doing the last two...

Time will tell

Check back to see Kirk gets tired of me huffing, puffing and giving him dirty looks or to see if I can rise to this challenge and reduce the size of my big aunt fanny.

In the meantime, I will try and follow the rules and eat vicariously. Please order and enjoy the spicy version of Happy Family , fried rice
and a few dozen rangoons for me.

Football for Dummies

Synopsis

A group of big burly guys get together and one has the football.They all wear uniforms with big shoulder pads to make their hips look smaller.

The slap each other on the backside and get in big circle and start whispering. Suddenly, one guy throws the ball and the others go crazy and begin to chase him. Soon, a crabby looking guy in an ugly striped shirt blows a whistle. Then you see the same play over and over on instant replay. Sometimes, the other guys get to run and tackle each other. Whoo-Hoo. And for this they earn millions of dollars.

Football terms

Here are the football terms I have heard: Hail Mary pass, touchdown, fumble and the rest of it is mumbo jumbo because the intoxicated fans are screaming and wearing big foam fingers fighting to get on TV.

Basic knowledge

While I don't care a bit about football I try to listen to the scores of important games.If I am reduced to make conversation about football I say "hey, how about those Packers (or Vikings or the Tulips or whatever the others are called). The football fanatic will launch into a long tale and I just nod and wait until my eyes glaze over until they stop.Usually, some other football fan will jump in the conversation and then I can sneak away.


It's everywhere, it's everywhere

Football fever is everywhere. At church yesterday our Pastor started the sermon with a joke about the sport. It's the biggest laugh I've ever heard him receive. Could I repeat the joke? heck no, I just remember it was about Cinderella and some football player who lies a lot.

Football Fever

So, for the football lovers in the world - I hope you have a great season and your team wins!

It's the Weekend

Meetng Morons

Donut

Years ago I was an on-site supervisor for Manpower at IBM. There was a sign posted that said: "Bored? Lonely? Need a donut? Call a meeting!"

Endless meetings

I dread most meetings. They often start late, have no agenda and people get bogged down in ridiculous details. Then I start thinking about all the other places that would be more painful that the meeting. The IRS office, the dentist, in a basement with spiders... Or, I pretend I am making notes but instead am writing to do lists, composing letters and drifting off until someone gets the meeting back on target.

Exceptions

The woman who runs the R.Luau meetings for RNeighbors does an outstanding job facilitating. I can't tell you her name since I didn't get permission to blog about her. She might not appreciate a call at 5:45 a.m. so let's just call her Candy. Candy is efficient without being rude, always has agenda's prepared ahead of time and has a gentle way of keeping people on task.

Meeting Morons

Meeting morons are annoying and disruptive.

They can take the form of someone who thinks they are funny and makes remarks (me).
Those who come late, leave early and make a big deal out of it so you won't forget how important they are.
People who drone on and on and the ones who don't say a word or make eye contact.

Squirt Guns

Wouldn't it be fun to have a squirt gun and shoot a gentle mist of water at people who are annoying? Yes, I know having a gun of any sort is not politically correct. Just think of the look on the faces of the squirter or the squirtee.

Imagine

Today when you are sitting through another awful meeting, imagine you are eating a donut, using your squirt gun and that the meeting will be over in time for you to squeeze in a nap before the end of your work day.

Couch Potato

Today is National Potato Day!

Mmmm, wouldn't today be the perfect time to be a couch potato?
Better yet, you could relax on the couch and devour a platter of cheese fries while you watched "Gilligan's Island" reruns.

A new day

Alas, my days of being a couch potato are numbered...Tomorrow morning I meet with Kick my Kiester Kirk at the Y. Actually, he just goes by Kirk the personal trainer at the Y. I know he will need to be a kick my kiester (KmK) kind of guy to keep me motivated.

Sure, I swim and walk now but this a new commitment. I am quite sure it involves using equipment, sacrifice and sweating.


Ready or not

I asked Kirk if he was ready to work with an obese, asthmatic, arthritic, middle-aged woman with a potentially nasty attitude and he cheerfully replied he was up to the challenge!

We'll see ...

Getting Jiggy

Free Jammin' Tunes

Luck was on my side last week as I found musical treasures in the free box at a rummage sale! Why nobody else scooped up Anne Murray, Julio Igelsias or a Kenny Rogers cassettes is a mystery.

Dark Ages

Sure, I have CD's and even know what an MP3 player is.

All of my siblings are musically gifted. I play the radio - AM and FM and make odd noises with my nose on occasion but that's about it.

Pots and Pans Polka

Music from kitchen utensils? You bet. My amazing friend John and I have co-directed Kitchen Bands for the past 6 years. The past year we have been grooving with "The Kitchenettes"

The band consists of a talented group of 25 seniors in the Salvation Army Caring Partners program. We meet twice a month and "play" pots, pans, washboards, spoons and even have an old-fashioned wash tub base instrument created by John.

We have a donated boom box, speakers from Savers and an eclectic selection of music. The band rocks out to some their favorites including "Sixteen Tons", "The Yellow Rose of Texas" and anything Elvis.

Last Christmas the band was featured on the front page of the Post Bulletin which means we are now on our way to stardom and have to worry about the paparazzi.

Our next concert is "Country Hoe Down" which is will be presented to the public in mid-October.

Be-Bopping on the road

Have you seen people who belt out music in their car? They direct the invisible orchestra with one hand, keep time to the beat on the steering wheel and generally make a spectacle of themselves all in the confines of their own vehicle.

Who are those people?

Don't they know other motorists will stare at them?

What if they get caught up in the music, start speeding and get pulled over by a police officer?

If you find a music-loving officer, smile sweetly, bat your eyelashes and you just might talk your way out of a ticket! Or not...

Have a musical day!

Why pay more?

Today is National Thrift Store Shopping Day

Relax

August 15th is National Relaxation Day.

Enjoy!

Water Wimp to Water Warrior

Mama Tried

My Mom took me to one swimming lesson at Lake Calhoun a gazillion years ago. The details of why I only went to one lesson are sketchy but screaming, minnows and a swim teacher who didn't get paid enough to deal with a petrified, kicking youngster ring a bell....

Why the water?

One way to alleviate knee pain in fat, arthritic knees according to the grouchy orthopedic surgeon I saw once was to learn how to swim or "for Pete's sake woman, at least do water aerobics" Swimming was not something I thought I would ever do.

Water Babies

For a few months I splashed around with a group of fun-loving seasoned women a few times a week at the Rec Center. I never went in water above my waist and never got my hair wet. It was perfect for me.

What? Me Change a routine?

The pool at the Rec closed for 30 days for much needed repairs so I purchased a one month pass to the Y. I'd go early in the morning and walk in the channel pool which was a bit dull going round and round. I would wistfully watch the real swimmers jump in, swim laps and think that if you swam a lot you could eat as much as Michael Phelps (23,000 calories a day!)

Crazy Swim Teacher

One day as I trudged around in circles in the channel pool a tall, cheerful man approached me. No, he didn't say "hey chubby chick, why don't you quit splashing around and swim like a real person?" but instead struck up a conversation with me. When he first suggested he could teach me to swim I burst out laughing. I offered the usual excuses.. I'm afraid, I can't see, I'm a baby, I'll die and blame you but he countered with reasons for each one and wore me down.

The big plunge

So unless this blog turns into a mini-novel I will fast forward a bit...Shaun Palmer, part-time swim teacher at the Y is patient, upbeat and a miracle worker.
It took a few months of weekly lessons to get me from the baby pool to the real pool. It took a lot of coaxing for me to jump in the pool in the deep end. I used the phrase "bite me" often and then discovered if I said that in the water I would suck in pool water so just used sign language instead.

Extra Encouragement

My husband was as always, encouraging and supportive. "Melon Bambernick" was also a great cheerleader (maybe because she was one in high school) she told me that she was picking up my swim hat flower petals from the pool drain. I asked if she would prefer petals to p**p. Sigh. Shortly after than I found some new swim hats which aren't nearly as colorful but they keep Melon happy.

Water Warrior

Now you will find me at the Y at least 5 days a week doing laps. I'm not a great swimmer and don't always put my entire face in the water but I love swimming. As Tom Garrett pointed out on the air yesterday "Vicki, you aren't exactly a spring chicken, how old were you when you finally learned to swim?" 56.

Show fear the door

Come on in, the water's fine!

On the Air

On the Air

This morning I had the honor to banter, yee-haw and read the weather on Y 105.3 per a request from Tom Garrett. Tom G is the popular morning radio personality and an amazing, creative genius.

Tom would say "hey, let's talk about this next" and within 35 seconds he whipped around in his chair, plucked out just the right CD of background music and was instantly funny, upbeat and reaching out to listeners.

I've seen multi-taskers before and had the honor to be on the show previous times but it still astounds me to see Tom do so many things so well in a heartbeat. The time zipped by and three hours spent at the studio seemed like 20 minutes.

Old Time Dee Jay's

Twenty-some years ago I had a part-time job one summer as the dee jay for a quaint station outside Austin, Minnesota. KGHR. The equipment was so old they had a broken broom handle to wedge into one of the dials and didn't have working weather information. The manager told dee jays to listen to other stations and give a similar forecast.

There was a tiny little window way up high and if you stood on a crate in the corner you could see the sky. Usually I worked weekends and would say oh, the skies are partly cloudy and the temperature is.... The first time I worked an evening shift.I glanced out the window and confidently said "right now outside the KGHR studio it's dark" Sadly, the station went dark (closed) right before the manager had to tell me my future might not be in radio.

Thanks!

Thanks to Tom for giving me the chance to have fun and be On the Air once again!

Gremlins

Thanks to my smart husband for banishing the computer gremlins that invaded the blog!

Unexpected Gifts

Paige Lydia


Yesterday I stopped at Vintage Light Coffee and Tea house for a scone and ended up with a sweet precious baby in my arms and tears in my eyes.

No, I didn't accost an unsuspecting mom and grab the adorable baby out of her arms. I sat down to visit a minute while waiting for my order. I'd seen the Mom at Vintage a few weeks ago and politely asked about her new arrival. The Mom and I chatted a minute and then she said "would you like to hold her?"


One week old


Paige Lydia is one week old and was wrapped in a soft pale pink blanket and smelled sweet just like babies should. As I sat on the couch and held her carefully my eyes flooded with tears as I recalled my own daughter being that tiny, innocent and adorable.


I still remember the first time I held my daughter (okay to be fair, it was our baby since I was married to fast-taking, arrogant red headed New Yorker at the time) and it is a feeling that can't be compared to anything else in the world.

Heather Mary

Heather Mary is my 31 year old daughter who now lives in Rochester, New York. Back in 1978 My Mom came to visit and taught me all about putting drops of peppermint oil in water to relieve tummy aches (Heather's, not mine), she embroidered tiny little flowers on Heather's t-shirts and also stitched and framed the following message:

Cleaning and Scrubbing can wait till tomorrow

for babies grow up we've learned to our sorrow,

so settle down cobwebs and dust go to sleep

I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

Unexpected Gift

Thank you to Paige Lydia's Mom for allowing me to relive magical moments, for giving me permission to hold her child and for the unexpected gift of cuddling a sweet precious baby.

Egg Salad Nightmare

Fading Memory

There are times when I can barely recall what I did the previous day or if I combed my hair that morning. I have never said "oh, I got too busy I forgot to eat lunch." C'mon, let's get real. However, I do vividly recall one particular nightmare from my younger days.

Egg Salad Nightmare

I was riding my bicycle and some hoodlums pushed me off the bike. I started to cry and the bullies said "hey kid, we got something for ya. Eat this egg salad sandwich" then they all laughed and glared at me with their fists full of egg salad sandwiches (on white bread with no lettuce). I refused then they tried to stuff the egg salad sandwich in my ears.

Oh the horror of it all! The juvenile delinquents started laughing and kept snarfing down the sandwiches. Suddenly they grew long pointed fingernails and started chasing after me. Fortunately, since it was my imagination I was able to pedal away quickly and escape. Whew.

Dream Interpretation Who knows? Who cares? Just keep me away from egg salad sandwiches!

Dew Point Prison

Summer Hibernation

Most people hibernate in the winter to stay warm and cozy.

When it is hot, humid and the dew point is over 65, I need to hibernate and stay in the house which I refer to as Dew Point Prison because I have ...

Pity Party

Boo-Hoo. Poor me. I have severe asthma. I also have age spots, cellulite and a smart mouth. While I don't usually keel over from asthma like the smiley guy and then pop right back up, I have learned a few ways to make having asthma more fun.

Asthma Humor

With enough practice you can learn how to wheeze in time to music! The medical professionals in the emergency room usually get a big chuckle out of that one.

Or when I am on a bed in the hospital and an army of attendants are huffing and puffing to push my chubby chick body to the x-ray room I give a delicate beauty queen wave to the other workers, it's is a guaranteed crowd pleaser!

Holy Family School Medical Training

When I was young and would get an asthma attack, the nuns at Holy Family School would seat me in a small room next to the office and turn off the light. I guess they thought I would be too afraid to cough in the dark.

Serving out my Sentence

So I will not-so-patiently serve out my summer sentence and eagerly await the end of my term in Dew Point Prison.

Chubby Chick Inmate # 55500022

Let's Polka

Sunday, August 9, 2009 is

National Polka Festival Day

Zucchini

August 8, 2009 is

National Sneak Some Zucchini

Onto Your Neighbors Porch Night

Signs for Stupidity

Safety Signs

Reading about the success of the Cash for Clunkers program made me think of a plan that would include all drivers. Signs for Stupidity. We need pop-up signs that would automatically flash from the top of our vehicles.

When someone forgets to signal the sign would read:

"Too Bad, Nice car like that with NO blinkers"

When drivers are laughing on the phone, applying mascara, eating a chili dog, gazing at the GPS and wiping their kids nose simultaneously the sign could simply read:

"Focus, will ya?"

For the drivers that zoom past you just to zip ahead and get stuck at the same red light the sign could read:

"Ooh, fast car, I'm impressed. ha ha ha"

Words of Wisdom

On a can of iced coffee I purchased yesterday was this message:

We hope this light tasting and deliciously refreshing iced coffee becomes your travel companion on life's great adventures. But, if you're driving, seriously, stop reading this.

Enough said..Happy Motoring!

Funny quotes

You can only be young once. But you can be immature forever.

- Dave Barry

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

- Unknown


Greetings from Duluth! The temperature this morning is a crisp 50 degrees.

Today I am conducting workshops on "Stop the Gossip Monster" and "Schmoozing 101" for the MN State Nutritionists Association. I've had the honor to speak for this group before and they are a hoot.

Another presenter is talking about how to purchase and brew coffee at the same time my session is scheduled...hopefully the will be serving coffee. If so, I will give my group an activity and sneak out to have some coffee other than the hotel in-room coffee. Yes, I am a coffee snob.

Upcoming blog topics: Swimming, bacon, and messy closets.

Apple pie, hot dogs and SPAM

BAM! Cooking with SPAM

Tired of eating spam for supper the same old way? There are 13 types of SPAM including SPAM with bacon, SPAM Hot and Spicy, Boiled SPAM and SPAM Lite for the health conscious.

Childhood SPAM Memories

My Dad would occasionally announce "Kids, I am making breakfast" While we tried to run out of the house and invent clever excuses to leave town we were often subject to SPAM and Eggs.

SPAM in the Key Can

Years ago SPAM came in cans with a metal turn key which almost never worked. So after we heard the cupboard door close, the frying pan land on the stove and the can of SPAM thump on the counter we always heard my Dad say in an angry tone of voice "GOD BLESS AMERICA" which was his way of trying not to use bad language in front of impressionable kids.



Next you would hear him walk down a set of creaky steps to get the hammer.He would creak up the steps still muttering then WHACK! he would take the hammer and smack the SPAM until it fell out of the can. A few minutes later - ta-da! There it would be-- a jiggling mound of quivering something covered in a pink gooey jelly substance. Let's Eat!


FRIED in Crisco


Chunks of odd-shaped SPAM would be fried to a crisp in a pan with a huge mound of Crisco shortening then the eggs would be flopped in the pan next to the SPAM "meat".

Lots of salt and pepper would complete the entree. It would be served with white Wonder bread topped with margarine served on a paper plate.

Starving Children

Did we eat it? Yes.
Did we like it? No.
Have I eaten it since? No.

And despite the breakfast memories of "there are children starving who would love to have SPAM and eggs" going through the SPAM museum in Austin, Minnesota was a wonderful experience. The SPAM museum is rated one of the most interesting museums in the world with over 1 million visitors per year.

Located in Austin, Minnesota this free admission museum is fascinating and well worth the trip!

The Spamettes

Thanks to faithful blog follower Cheri for mentioning the Spamettes. This group of 4 talented women sing song parodies about the tasty meat. Imagine "Mr. SPAM man" "I only have SPAM for you" and many other favorites. The Spamettes will be performing October 3, 2009 in Wabasha, MN at the Under the Bridge park from 1:00 - 3:00 p.m

You supply the apple pie and hot dogs and I will bring the SPAM!