Sparky, Dimples, and Wahoo Sam

Baseball Nicknames

Remember when baseball players had fun nicknames and didn't get paid a zillion dollars a game just to show up? Names like Jabbo, Catfish, Dizzy, and Boog are seldom heard anymore. I think baseball players should go back to a simpler time when could yell at each other "Hey Wahoo Sam, get your head in the game you putz!"

Baseball Traditions

Spitting and scratching. Why? Because it's fun and it's a baseball thing. I've tried both and it's not all it's cracked up to be. Of course, I didn't have the standard issue male baseball player extra equipment on so perhaps that's why the itching experiment failed. Or maybe it's because I did the experiment in the back yard and the neighborhood ruffians made fun of me so then I had to yell at them and then they called me....

Local Baseball

The award-winning Rochester Honkers baseball games are a blast. Baseball outdoors where it was meant to be played, wooden bats, enthusiastic bat people (they have girls now too) and the joy of participating singing and dancing to the YMCA, belting out "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" and watching the participants publicly humiliate themselves in the dizzy bat spin.


SLIDER

The highlight of every Honker baseball game is seeing the ever-popular Honker mascot -- SLIDER! SLIDER must be a very patient person because if all those little rugrats kept yanking at my costume and screaming at me I would be tempted to break the silence and yell at the kids or accidentally swat one of them. Gently of course.

Hurry, Hurry, Hurry!

The Boys of Summer still have a few games left this season. Grab some friends, some family and come on down to Mayo Field. If you don't have family or friends come alone and then make up a story to strangers in the bleachers "oh, can I please sit with you until my best friends arrive?" Then later on a trip back fro the concession stand you can say "Oh, darn, they called and can't make it" Ha. Works every time - or so I've heard.

Nicknames

Today I encourage you to make up a nickname for yourself then comment on this blog using your new nickname! Sorry, "Old Lady Snyder" is already taken.

Flying Objects

Is it a bird, is it a plane, no it's...

something being tossed off the roof of the local Aldi grocery store. According to man about town and city editor Jeff Kiger's twitter account, a man was tossing "something" off the roof yesterday. The report didn't say what it was. Eggs? Ice cream bars? Packages of sweet, creamy Oreo cookies?

Flying Stale Green Jelly Beans

A few years ago I conducted a workshop for a large medical organization in the Twin Cities. The audience members were serious, professional pharmacists intently listening to me talk
about employee motivation. At one point I explained Jelly Bean motivation which is when everyone is rewarded the same way regardless of what they accomplish. The person who answered one of my questions correctly received a small bag of stale lime green jelly beans. (I didn't realize they were stale until someone opened a bag and spit one out at their colleague)

Duck!

The session was held in a long narrow room so I gently tossed the sealed bag of candy towards the back of the room. THWACK! It hit a grouchy looking woman smack upside the head.
I apologized and asked if she was okay and she snarled "yes" at me so I continued. A bit later I noticed she was rubbing her head as if I had thrown a brick at her so I asked if anyone in the room knew how to treat a concussion caused by flying stale green jelly beans. One person moved his mouth slightly so I am assumed that was laughter.

Big Baby

Thirty minutes later this woman was still rubbing her head and glaring at me. I said "Thelma Lou, if you report the incident to Human Resources and need a witness you have several in this room" or some other flip remark. (I had gone to the back of the room and there was no blood, bump or tiny lime green object lodged in her skull)

Aftermath

When I checked my email that evening I had a note from the coordinator of the workshop entitled "Jelly Bean Incident". I was alarmed until I read the rest of the note.
The manager said she received 5 calls on her way home to inquire if she told me to hit Thelma Lou since "she was recently demoted because of her rotten attitude and nobody liked her" Ha!

Today's Food for Thought....

If you're happy tell your face. If you work with the public and aren't happy-- fake it. If you need a smile today stop and see Danny at Caribou Coffee on 3rd Avenue downtown, Eve at Vintage Light Coffee and Tea across from Shopko North, Brooke, Linda or John at the front desk of the Y or flip a bag of stale lime green jelly beans off the roof of a local grocery store just for fun.

Mini-Donuts and other evil foods

Evil Fair Food

Many years ago before weight watchers kicked me out for eating a juicy double bacon cheeseburger during their meeting they would wait in eager anticipation for the EVIL FAIR FOOD WEEK. The week before the Fair they would hold up an innocent mini-donut and tell you how many points it was worth. They would show you precisely where on your hips it would land and the biggest lie of all...they would tell you the donuts aren't worth going "off the plan" Ha!

Grease is Good

Once a year you need the mini-donut grease or corn dog germs to keep you lubricated and ready to face the stinking heat for the rest of the summer.

Can you imagine taking your excited 5 year old to the Fair and then saying "Opie, how about a nummy tofu sandwich on a wheat pita and because you didn't puke in the 4H barn when you saw the chickens I will give you SPROUTS on your sandwich too!"

Cleanliness is next to....

Part of the flavor of Fair food is from the fact that you seldom see fair vendors wash their hands before they prepare your food.

"Oh, wait -- let me scrub my hands and put on plastic gloves before I hand you this 7.5 lb. turkey leg. Sir, can you balance all that with your cheese curds, pork chop on a stick and freshly squeezed lemonade? Allow me to find you a clean picnic table with nothing mysterious and sticky all over it..."

Animal Barns

Having an asthma attack at the Fair isn't all it's cracked up to be. A chunky chick sitting on the ground shooting up her inhaler doesn't hold a candle to Susie the Sheep who just left a calling card on the ground in front of you.

Love Connections on the Midway

My very first date with my husband was the Olmsted County Fair. At that time he didn't know me well enough to know that I would rather have a root canal than go the Fair. I must have been a good sport and kept my opinion of the Fair to myself (yes, I can keep my mouth shut) because now we are happily married and haven't been to the Fair since then.

Enjoy and Indulge

So, wear your oldest shoes, bring plenty of cash and keep your weight watcher scale at home. Enjoy, indulge, savor summer and eat a few dozen bags of mini-donuts for me!

Storm Baby

Storm Baby

What's the difference between having a "healthy respect for severe weather" and being a fearful, hit the basement when the skies darken in another state Storm Baby?

Last Friday morning I was at a meeting in Chatfield. I was trying desperately to pay attention to the person speaking but kept watching for funnel clouds and Toto zooming past the windows. Just as I was about to excuse myself and push 2 on my speed dial - the director of National Weather Service - I got a text message from my sweet husband. It read in part "bad weather, hole up in Chatfield" (the rest of the message was mushy personal stuff)

Panic or Prudent?

My meeting associate, Lola, suggested I seek refuge in the basement of her Lutheran church. We finished our meeting in the 1st grade Sunday school room sitting on little tiny chairs. Guppy Girl Snyder doesn't have the backside of a 1st grader, let alone a 1st year law student so this in itself was a challenge...

Lola had to leave for another meeting after our business was completed so told the church secretary a colleague was going to stay in the basement awhile since I had a healthy respect for storms. The kind woman said "Oh Bless Her Heart, take her this cup of coffee" which is I understand a Lutheran tradition and guaranteed to solve all the troubles in the world.

All Clear

When I got the text that said "all clear" I ventured upstairs to meet the sweet secretary who offered me the coffee. I explained that I wasn't just some weirdo holed up in her basement but that back in '67 I was in a tornado and she said ... you guessed it... "Bless your little heart, do you want more coffee?"

Ah, those lovely, life-saving Lutherans!

Nose

"Blow your own nose but don't toot your own horn"

Check back later today for more on the same topic :- )

Housework Holiday

Erma Bombeck on Housework

"My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares, why should you?"

"My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk until I faint"

Housework Holiday

Make up a holiday just for fun! Declare July 22nd as the first-ever Housework Holiday. Take today off from any household drudgery. Let the dust bunnies live another day, turn your clothes inside out instead of doing the wash, have PB&J's for supper and relish the sunshine!

You gotta have friends

Friends

A popular quote says, "A friend is someone who knows all about you but likes you anyway" So the key to keeping friends is not to let them know too much about you.

First Friends

I made my very first friend when I was 5 years old. One day we had a disagreement and she came over to my side of the street and and printed "Vicki Lou Karn is a pig" in chalk. Ha! I crossed out Vicki Lou and printed "Susan Garvey" but left the pig part. My younger brother Terry ratted me out and so my Mom made me wash the sidewalk and apologize. I held a grudge against Susan Garvey for 52 years but last year we reconnected and now exchange birthday cards. However, on the back of each card to her I print in very tiny letters "Susan Garvey is still a pig"

Seasoned Friends

One of my remarkable friends is an 81 year old who has more energy in one day than I do in a week. Bob bikes over 50 miles a week, swims every day and is an inspiration to me by his faith, zest for life and willingness to experience every day as an adventure.

Fun-loving friends

Recently I had coffee with a wonderful friend who loves to laugh. When we left the coffee house after 1.5 hours of giggling, hee-hawing and chuckling two serious lap-top users actually cheered.

Sisters in the heart friends

Not long ago a friend sent me a card that read "what makes us family is found in the heart" and then she wrote something touching. My friend Bertha wants to bring me to tears just for fun and she succeeded. She is also the friend that gave me a framed picture of the two of us with the caption "Friends never go out of style" and then suggested we go shopping to update my wardrobe.

Friends Galore

This blog started to get way too long when I began to post about my BFF in Rochester, New York. In an upcoming post you will learn all about Professor GJ.

Tuesday's Tip

Call your friends today and tell them they are the bomb! If you want to gather them together for a group hug and to sing "Kumbyay" go for it! I am sure you can always make new friends. For me, just sharing a laugh and knowing my friends and I can count on each other is all I need.

Liar Liar Pants on Fire

Liar Liar Pants on Fire

Remember saying that when someone told a whopper of a lie? A few weeks ago I listened to a fascinating sermon on Lying. The energetic pastor spoke for 45 minutes. What I took away from the message is that lying is evil and if you do it you will end up in H E Double Hockey Sticks. Guess I better learn to start enjoying hot weather...

Lying Exceptions

There are certain times when you just need to be tactful and not exactly lie but be more creative. For example, if you see a baby that is just plain ugly you can't say that. You could say:

"How precious"
"Look at those tiny little fingers"
"Oh my, you must be SO happy"

If you see a new hair style on a colleague you can say:

"Wow, look at you"
"Aren't you something"

or as a friend said to me recently "Did you know they were going to to do that to your hair?"

Spouse Lies

My sweet husband has a unique way of telling me the truth. After nearly every evening meal he will say "good supper, Dear" if he didn't enjoy the experimental dish (crock-pot lasagna comes to mind) he will say "Thanks for making this meal" because if he said "good supper, Dear" the crock-pot lasagna would show up in his lunch.

Fun Lies

Awhile back I called a friend who worked in a management position. The receptionist politely answered the phone and when she asked my name and purpose of the call I said "This is Vicki,
Bertha's parole officer".

The new employee went in Bertha's office, shut the door, glared at Bertha and whispered the message to her. Bertha said "oh, that's just Vicki". Sadly, the receptionist didn't believe her and never trusted Bertha again. The receptionist soon left the company.

Okay, here is a test - which part of that story was true? Most of it except for the part about my friend being named Bertha and the receptionist leaving her job. See how much fun that was?

Lying quotation

"Lying increases the creative faculties, expands the ego, and lessens the friction of social contact"
- Clare Booth Luce

Monday's thought

Tell a fun and harmless lie today. Or, Dadgumit, if you are too honest then watch for someone who is lying to you and rejoice in the fact they are having fun!

Rummage Sales

Some people circle the ads in the paper and carefully plot out which rummage sale to hit. Kudos to you organized people! I prefer to just cruise around rummage "hot spots" and then check it out. Sort of like a rummage drive-by. If I see a ton of baby goo-goo stuff I don't bother. No offense to babies.

FREE Rummage items

The best part about rummage sales is the free box! You can find cool stuff in the free box or at the very least something to get for free that you can re-gift to the sister you don't like at Christmas.

Years ago when my Mom moved from a large house to an apartment we held a rummage sale. My Mom would see someone come to the sale and say "charge her extra, she was always crabby" and while I thought it was a grand idea and was ready to do it, my sister, Princess Kitty (PK) said it was wrong. Pffffffft. (The trouble with blogs is you can't hear sound effects...)

However, when the sale was winding down PK did go along with my idea of putting a large FREE sign for all the remaining items. We did that, went to lunch and ta-da, when we got back everything was gone and PK got a lovely Christmas gift from me that year.

Upcoming Blog Themes:

Swimming, coffee (really, it is coming soon) the art of being patient and friendship.

FREE MONEY

FREE MONEY = SHOPPING

FREE MONEY means finding a $5.00 bill crumpled up in the pocket of a sweater, birthday money from your Granny or any other unexpected moola from the sky that should not be spent on anything practical.

FREE MONEY should almost always be spent on SHOPPING. Free money is best spent at consignment or thrift stores. I’m a bargain shopper from waaaay back. I’ve learned how to say “thank you” if someone compliments me on my attire instead of swelling with pride and bragging in a booming voice “I got this for $1.79 at Mr. Pinky’s Hefty Hideaway!” (Note – MPHH is a store from the movie “Hairspray” so don’t go searching it for it at the Mall of America)

I was thrilled the first time I qualified for the senior discount at Saver’s (Senior Day on Tuesday for you older blog readers) and am on a first name basis with the consignment store owners in the area. I like to think that when they greet me by name they are thinking - “VICKI is here again today, cool” but it could be “VICKI is here again today and will try to squeeze her big aunt fanny into the size 8 lime green capris. OH Nooooooooooo”

My preferred consignment store is the Phenomenal Woman Consignment shop in Zumbrota. You may have seen the TV ad with the tag line --- “Treating the plus size woman with the RESPECT she deserves. “ The hard-working business owner and my friend for over 20 years is Kris Ferguson. Kris appreciates the fact that women deserve to wear stylish and beautiful clothing not just black polyester pants and Mumu’s.

The fashions at PW are amazing, affordable and even with the smallest amount of FREE MONEY you can find marvelous clothing and accessories. For example – this coming Saturday, July 18th is CRAZY DAYS in Z-town. There will be several racks of clothing at PW for ONE DOLLAR. The sale starts at 7:00 a.m. which gives you sufficient time to stop by the Farmer’s Market beforehand and get some terrific treats and coffee/tea from Vintage Light Coffee and Tea and then zip up to Zumbrota and shop.

The dressing rooms at PW are spacious, the sales staff affable and obliging and if you mention this blog you get… A huge prize! hahaha. Just kidding you don’t get anything for admitting you read this. However, if you log on to the PW website at www.pwconsignment.com you can print off a valuable coupon for lots of remarkable items.

Thursday’s tip:
Scrape together some FREE MONEY (sell your neighbor’s cat , rummage through your husband’s pants pockets, scrounge on the floor of your car) then fritter it way just for fun!
And, if you see a cubby chick struggling into size 8 lime green Capri pants pay no attention.

Friday: My not-so-secret coffee addiction

Mayberry

PENSACOLA, Fla. – The public face of the investigation into a wealthy Florida couple's slayings presciently told a newspaper while campaigning for sheriff a year ago that this county of 300,000 "isn't Mayberry anymore."

Mayberry has a reputation for being a slow-paced small town where you hang out at Floyd’s barbershop for excitement. There are days when I want to live in Mayberry. I want to come home after a long day of doing nothing more than sitting in Helen Crump’s classroom, stop by the sheriff’s office to see Pa and Barney and then go home and have Aunt Bee serve me fried chicken with PIE for dessert!

The best thing is Aunt Bee does all the work! Except for the episode “Pigs, Pigs, Pigs” you never saw Andy lift a finger to help Aunt Bee.
Shame on you Sheriff Taylor.

Did Thelma Lou have a job? Perhaps she was a personal shopper since most episodes showed her just clicking her heels along the sidewalk as she left Mr. Foley’s market. I enjoy the episode where she and Opie made brownies together but she didn’t sit down and eat the entire pan with a glass of whole milk so it wasn’t very realistic.

My husband is a major Andy Griffith fan. We had the theme from the show played at our wedding 15 years ago and a quote from Barney Fife in our wedding program. We own every black and white Andy Griffith episode and even spent 5 days in Mayberry (Mt. Airy) North Carolina a few years back. (population 8,000 friendly folks). We had grits for breakfast, fried bologna sandwiches for lunch and PIE PIE PIE at every meal. – mmmmm – a taste of heaven.

Today’s tip: Have a piece of PIE, smile at strangers and

let Aunt Bee do all the work!

Friends and Food

Most people write a blog about their life. Frankly, mine is none of your business. Ha ha ha. Sometimes I stretch the truth so it’s up to you, the three faithful blog readers, to decipher fact from fiction.

So instead I will write about useful tips, chat a bit and write whatever springs to mind at 5:00 a.m. Yes, there will be days when the blog is blank.

Today’s tip is all about friends and food…

Make friends with people who can cook (I do, it works well) or, find someone with enough $$ to purchase something tasty.

Throw a party! Invite your pals. Tell each of them to bring your favorite item – 4 people want to bring desserts - that’s just dandy

.
Chances are they will LEAVE the LEFTOVERS with at your house which means you have Special K Bars (a very healthy treat since it is made with low-fat cereal) Brownies (made with chocolate which is good for you) and the other delicious morsels for you to enjoy. Try to invite different people since most bright friends will eventually catch on to this clever tactic.

Supper at our house, Saturday at 6:00 p.m. – Bring treats!

Oh my, this past weekend was fun! I didn’t wait in any traffic jams and I bought a coffee mug that plays a song about chugging coffee and peeing. For a small price I will let you listen to my “hoops and yoyo singing glug glug glug” coffee mug. (Normally, I don’t discuss personal items like using the ladies room but the idea just came to me out of the blue…)
Monday mornings are especially tough for some people. So the tip for this bright Monday morning is “bribe yourself”
That’s right. Before you to hit the hay at 9:02 p.m. put a trail of M&M’s leading from your bed to the kitchen. Then when you wake up all groggy and full of dread you remember ---“Jeepers Creepers, I deserve M&M’s for my pre-breakfast snack” Be careful not to smash any of the precious little candy jewels with your bare feet as you eat your way out to the kitchen Then you can savor every bite of the box of your powdered sugar donuts and because you EXERCISED on the way to the kitchen you can have a can of soda as well.

Today’s quote:
· “Never eat more than you can lift”
-- Miss Piggy